din acelasi ciclu.

He went through the school’s gates, wanting desperately to see Soubi. He had enough for that day, and everytime he felt tired he knew that Soubi’s arms would comfort him. And Soubi never asked for anything. He felt when Ritsuka needed him, he came and he wrapped him in his strong arms, melting the pain, the anger or the frustration.

But, strangely, he wasn’t there that day. He looked carefully and there wasn’t any trace of him.

He called him for the first time since Soubi had given him the cell phone, the second day they had met.

Soubi answered with his usual, calm voice.

‘Soubi, where are you??? Why didn’t you come???’ asked Ritsuka terribly angry.

‘Well, you said you don’t want me to love you, so I decided to stop bothering you.’, Soubi responded calmly.

‘Who said that you bother me?’, Ritsuka asked again.

‘You, Ritsuka. Everytime I say that I love you, you say that you hate hearing those words and that you don’t want me near you.’

‘Yes, but…”

Ritsuka stopped, afraid of what he was going to say.

‘But what, Ritsuka? Just say it.’

‘No. I just called to see if you’re okay. I don’t want a sick Fighter by my side.’

‘You’re right’, said Soubi, sadly smiling. ‘ I will take care of myself so that you won’t have any problems because of me.’

‘OK then. Bye.’

‘Bye, Ritsuka.’

Soubi’s sadness turned into a beautiful blue butterfly. He liked butterflies, although he hated the way they were caught and pinced, becoming a simple specimen.

Ritsuka felt suffocated. He began to run, not even knowing where. He was angry with Soubi because he didn’t came to see him, but he was mostly angry with himself. His real feelings for Soubi wanted to get out, but he was to proud to say it. Or maybe he was just afraid. He was trully afraid to accept the truth. He cared about Seimei and he lost him. His mother lost her mind, his father didn’t really care about his pain and, most of all, Seimei died, taking with him the happy Ritsuka that he was two years ago. And now, the last thing he wanted was to love somebody, risking again to be hurt.

He found himself in the park where they first made memories. He wondered around, not knowing where to go. He just needed some peace, to think about everything.

Although he didn’t want to accept it, he found himself needing Soubi once again. He desperately needed his arms, his voice and mostly his deep blue eyes that comforted him every time. He was so depressed the he forgot to go home.

When he woke up from his dreams, it was already eight o’clock. He was late, two hours past his usual hour. Although he knew what was going to happen, he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He couldn’t call Soubi. At least not yet.

He opened the door, comfortably numb.

His mother asked him where he had been. He couldn’t even answer. He didn’t say a word and his mother got angry once again, yelling and repeating over and over again the same old phrases: ‘You’re not my Ritsuka! What did you do with my Ritsuka? I want him back!’.

When his mother got tired, he managed to escape into his room. He sat on the bed, with eyes closed, in complete darkness. Only now he remembered the pain. He was lonely and this fact maximized the effect of the wounds. This time he felt so bad, that he thought that if he doesn’t see Soubi he will die suffocated in his ocean. Although this ocean had been there for two years now, without Soubi it was just like he forgot to swim.

With his small trembling hand he reached the phone and called. The sound of the other phone ringing tortured him for a couple of seconds, but then…then came the peace.

‘Ritsuka? What’s wrong?’

Soubi’s voice washed away everything, releasing Ritsuka from the cage.

‘N-Nothing…Soubi…’

‘Yes, Ritsuka?’

‘Speak to me. Don’t ask anything, just…say something.’

‘Okay, do you like poetry?’

‘No.’

‘Ah yes, you like philosophy…But they are quite related, you know…’

‘Why did you ask if I like poetry?’

‘I wanted to read you something…’

‘Okay then, read it to me…I don’t really care, I just want to hear your voice…’

Soubi smiled. Although he liked the fact that Ritsuka called him, he really wanted to hold Ritsuka for real. He felt Ritsuka’s pain and he could heavily hold himself. He began reading some poems, with his calm and warm voice, hoping sincerely to comfort Ritsuka.

Ritsuka laid back on his bed, listening to Soubi…He couldn’t concentrate, so he didn’t understand a word from the poems, but Soubi’s voice sounded like a lullaby for him…He imagined Soubi’s pale face, with his smooth skin, his deep blue eyes that held inside all the beautiful things he had ever known, without being able to name them all, his strong arms that became heaven when he needed it, the warmth of Soubi’s body…And then…He just couldn’t fight it anymore.

‘Soubi, I want you here. Please.’

A sigh of relief escaped Soubi’s mouth. Finally, Ritsuka said it. He left Ritsuka with a quick ‘I’ll be there in a minute.’ and started to run on the streets, wearing only a black T-shirt and a pair of jeans. It was snowing outside.

When Soubi said he was coming in a minute, Ritsuka didn’t take it literally. He thought he had enough time to bandage his new wounds before Soubi could see them, so he remained in bed, thinking about Soubi.

In five minutes, the window opened and Soubi entered, with white stars decorating his beautiful blonde hair. He came with the fresh air of winter, Ritsuka’s favourite season. He was born on the 21th of December and he always felt like he had winter in his veins.

A big smile appeared on Ritsuka’s face, who turned the next second in a worried glance. ‘Soubi can’t see these wounds’, he thought.

Soubi came in and sat near Ritsuka, enjoying the silence.

‘Soubi, don’t turn on the light, please. Okay?’

‘Whatever makes you happy, Ritsuka…’

‘In fact, I don’t want you here anymore. Sorry to bother you, I wasn’t feeling good. But now I’m okay, so you can go.’

Soubi couldn’t believe it. Ritsuka was indecesive, but not in that way. He never mocked people, no matter how stupid they were. And he never treated Soubi that way. This wasn’t Ritsuka.

He leaned over to Ritsuka and reached the lamp behind him. Ritsuka didn’t have time to stop him. He thought Soubi was going to embrace him as usual.

In the pale light of the lamp, Ritsuka looked like a hunted angel. He hold his left arm with the other hand, trying desperately to cover a huge cut. Unfortunately, the blood kept on pouring from his wound. A small strand of blood made it’s way along Ritsuka smooth cheek and his arm was all full of bruises.

Soubi’s eyes were burning him, so he hide under the blanket. He didn’t want Soubi’s compasion.

Soubi, on the other hand, was full with criminal rage. If Ritsuka would ever allow him, he would crush that crazy woman who could beat his only son like this. In fact, he would kill everyone in order to protect Ritsuka.

He sighed and tried to look calm, knowing how Ritsuka was feeling. After all, he was a friend of the pain as well.

‘Ritsuka, I’m gonna treat your wounds and after that I’m gonna take you out of here.’

‘W-What?! Are you crazy?! I can’t do that!’

‘Ritsuka, you’re not staying here anymore.’

‘Soubi, you’re crazy!!! Where am I supposed to go?! And what about mo…’

His words melt down in the kiss. He felt Soubi’s arms taking him closer, those arms he expected for so long…

‘Ah! It hurts…’

‘Sorry, Ritsuka…I forgot you’re injured…I got carried away.’

‘It’s…It’s okay…I don’t mind…’

Soubi smiled gently, in that special way that made Ritsuka believe nothing wrong could ever happen as long as he’s with his Fighter…

Soubi then pulled himself away from Ritsuka, remembering what he had to do. Ritsuka showed him where he kept the bandages and the medicines and Soubi pulled of his shirt. He couldn’t control a wince of frustration and anger, seeing Ritsuka’s small back full of bruises. But then, when he looked into Ritsuka’s eyes, he remembered when it all started…That day, when they first met, when he saw Ritsuka’s eyes…He loved him ever since, just for the sake of his eyes…Eyes that would forgive anything.

He began bandaging Ritsuka, carefull not to hurt him even more than he already was. His soft hands touched the wounds gently, showing a great skill.

‘S-Soubi…it hurts a lot…Can’t you use something else?’

‘I’m sorry, but we have to clean these wounds and you don’t have anything else. You can hold my hand if it hurts that much’, Soubi said smiling.

Ritsuka blushed and started to look outside…Only then he saw that it was snowing. The first snow of that crazy winter.

He was looking so calm and happy that Soubi stopped for a second. He liked this Ritsuka, the Ritsuka that lost himself in the things he really liked, such as nature or books. He found him sometimes with a book in his hand, waiting for him next to the school’s gate, and he looked so beautiful, that everytime he saw him that way Soubi thanked Seimei for disappearing. Soubi liked happy Ritsuka the most. He got back to his work, cleaning Ritsuka back with all the love he could find inside him.

When he was done, he looked at Ritsuka once again. He was standing in front of him, with his small back naked and his arms resting calmly in his lap. Soubi couldn’t help it and wrapped his arms around Ritsuka, pulling him closely. Ritsuka smiled and Soubi didn’t feel any trace of resistance. Maybe for the first time. The small boy made himself comfortable in the embrance, leaning his head back, resting it on Soubi’s shoulder. He felt Soubi’s smell, a bit different from other times because of the cold breath of winter that mixed with his own body’s scent.

‘Soubi…you smell like…winter…’

‘I’m sorry. You don’t like it?’

‘No, I love it. It’s so much better than cigarettes smell. I wish you wouldn’t say you’re sorry so often…”

‘I’m sorry…’

‘See? You just said it again. I wish you would stop this master-slave thing. I really hate it sometimes…You’re my…’

‘What? What am I too you?’

‘You’re my…friend…’

‘Friend? Really? Okay, that’s good enough for the beginning.’, Soubi responded, smiling again.

‘What do you mean <<for the beginning>>?’

‘Umm…nothing…’

Soubi smiled again, with a look of serenity on his face, and hugged Ritsuka stronger.

Soubi’s well-known smell made Ritsuka think that…he wanted to be like this forever. Just like this, a permanent winter, a warm chamber, a small lamp as the only source of light and…and Soubi. In fact, Soubi was everything he really needed.

‘What are you thinking about, Ritsuka?’

‘Hmm? Oh, n-nothing…’

‘Let me know when we can go.’

‘S-Soubi, I’m not going anywhere…’ Ritsuka tried to argue.

‘Ritsuka, listen to me. Carefully. I’m taking you out of here and this time there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ve had enough with this woman.’

‘I’m ordering you to leave me here. It’s an order, Soubi.’

‘Really? Then I’ll disobey.’

‘W-What? You cannot disobey me…I-I’m your Sacrifice…’

‘Oh no, you just said I’m your friend. This is what a friend would do. Everything you say can be use against you, Ritsuka.’

Ritsuka found himself alone on the floor, while Soubi opened his closet and took out some clothes.

‘Don’t you have a suitcase or something around here?’

‘S-Soubi, stop it!’, said Ritsuka, wanting to close the wardrobe.

‘You know I can use a spell to make you sleep, don’t you, Ritsuka?’

Ritsuka stared at Soubi, who’s blue eyes pierced him back, reveiling the strongest will he had ever seen there. He really was capable of everything in order to make Ritsuka happy.

‘Here, take my school bag.’

Soubi smiled, relieved that he didn’t need to act against Ritsuka’s will.

While Soubi was packing the clothes, Ritsuka was looking for his book. He took another bag and started to pack them, as well as other things he would have needed. Everytime Ritsuka allowed himself to look Soubi in the eyes, he found there the promise of happiness and he took it as it was, without asking anything this time. He also promised himself to do his best.

When they were about to leave, Ritsuka saw Soubi’s T-shirt and realized that he came all the way there in such thin clothes.

‘Soubi! You can’t go out like this!’

‘Oh? Why? I came here with the same clothes and I survived.’, Soubi said smiling again.

‘You’ll get sick. God, why don’t you never take care of yourself?!’

‘Don’t get mad, Ritsuka. I’ll be okay.’ Soubi’s smile was full of tenderness.

‘Wait a minute, I must find something for you around here.’

Soubi sat down on Ritsuka’s bed, happy that his Sacrifice cared so much about him. Seimei didn’t really care, neither him, nor anyone. He never said anything about Ritsuka to Soubi untill he was threatened with death. For Seimei, Soubi was nothing more than an instrument that he could use for his own good. Now that he had met Ritsuka, he realized that he didn’t love Seimei either. Their bond was strictly based on the name “Beloved” and neither of them chose to be connected. It was almost a bussiness. Seimei had a Fighter and Soubi had a Sacrifice. Maybe that’s why they were so strong in the front place. They didn’t mix pleasure with bussiness. But with Ritsuka, it was different, so different that he got kinda scared at the beginning, when he realized how much he loved Ritsuka, even against the name.

Ritsuka pulled out from the closet a big long-sleeve shirt, that didn’t look like it was his.

‘Is this Seimei’s, Ritsuka?’

Ritsuka winced when he heard Seimei’s name, but he found enough power to continue.

‘No, it’s not his. It’s mine.’

‘But this is too big for you.’

‘I wear it when it gets really cold outside or…when I…when I need to hide my bruises…’

‘Do you want me to wear this?’

‘Yes. You’ll catch a cold otherwise.’

‘Okay.’

Soubi pulled the black shirt on. Strangely, it was fitting him, as if it was made just for him. It had Ritsuka’s smell, as well.

‘Soubi…Can we please go in the morning?’

‘Ritsuka, I don’t want to leave you here alone again. Please, just come with me now, okay?’

‘Soubi, I’m tired…I really need to get some sleep…I promise we’ll go in the morning.’

Soubi looked in his eyes and he believed. He left the bags near the door.

‘Well, the I should go and let you get some sleep.’

The simple idea of being alone again terrified Ritsuka. He had again that strange sensation of suffocation.

‘Soubi…’

‘Yes, Ritsuka? Anything else?’

‘Stay with me tonight.’

‘Ri-Ritsuka…Are you…sure about this…if your mother finds me here…’

‘She’s taking some pills that helps here sleep deeply. And we’re be off in the morning. Please, Soubi…’

Soubi got in the bed near Ritsuka, completely happy. He never knew this sensation before and now…that day was turning out perfect, in the end.

Ritsuka took Soubi’s arms and wrapped them around his waist, making himself comfortable. Soubi embraced him strongly, as if he would never let him go again…He whispered ‘I love you’ in Ritsuka’s ear. After several seconds of silence, the weak answer came back…’I…I love you too, Soubi…’

The next day, early in the morning, the pale light of the sun was showing the world a little miracle: a word appeared around their wrists, as if they were wearing the same kind of bracelet. ‘Loveless’.

Soubi was still wearing Ritsuka’s shirt and his arms were still wrapped around his waist.

mda, as avea tone de lucruri de explicat, da’ mi-e sila ca de obicei. intrebati daca aveti vreo problema. si da, asta e scrisa de mine, deci imi asum responsabilitatea pt tot.

~ de downtownjesus pe martie 8, 2008.